Every family develops their own culture as they wish.

Which leads to the pre-teen question a parent raised in a seminar I attended this afternoon.

Who are YOU to tell me I have to clean my room?

Without the backing of a general agreement of social conduct, parents are left alone to carve their children into whomever they see fit. (See paragraph one – Sally-Lou; Monkey-Brains etc) This degeneration of social norms skulked about the free-love types as they working with one accord for the collective rejection of the phrase, because I said so.

But without generally accepted social norms, because I said so, is all parents have because they are single-handedly making up their child’s norms. Ironic.

Which renders the adult-child power struggle today’s norm.

There’s really only two ways to deal with an adult-child power struggle.

a) Give the kid the power. Phrase every directive in the form of a request question, please? Academics will call this “making choices”.
b) Crush the kid with your power. Autocratic displays of authority.

Unless, of course, parents decide to subscribe to and immerse themselves in a culture laden with norms and social expectations to use as a basis for their authority.

By whose authority do you tell me I have to clean my room?

It changes the game if you have an answer that isn’t you.

UPDATE (Oct 17, 2011): Brutally Honest discusses a Catholic culture of rules.

Also, a MercatorNet article highlights the results of new research:

Their rigorous research, which is being applied in the two New York schools, discovered that successful human beings manifest certain habits, certain character strengths. They have been able to isolate twenty-four character strengths, among them bravery, fairness, wisdom, integrity, love, kindness, self-control, responsibility and citizenship. They also believe (and the early research results at the two schools are bearing this out) that these character strengths can actually be taught.

If the reader is shaking his or her head and thinking, “Isn’t this a masterful grasp of the obvious? (read more)

UPDATE 2 (Oct 17, 2011): Must be something in the weather, Conversion Diary is writing on a similar subject comparing a culture of rules to the joys of a trampoline.

“Death, it is not I who has forgot something. It’s you, my old enemy. You have forgotten what I asked you. I think you’re afraid to answer my question, Death. I have asked you twice, and you won’t answer me. Why, Death? Why won’t you answer me? I’ll ask you again, Where is your sting, O Death. Not, What is your sting? Not what your sting’s power? My question for you, O Death, is, Where is your sting?”

John Piper, in his address at the memorial for 14-year old cancer victim, Victor Watters.

The writings of Joseph Walker on his blog Felix Hominum were insightful and long-standing.  Faith, parenting and regular every day life, not to mention great glimpses into the Holy Land through his trips there and his knowledge of many languages, including those in that area.  Tim and another have moved Joe’s blog to a new address so that it will be able to be viewed for a long time to come.  Check out Felix Hominum at its new address http://felixhominum.ca.

Joe’s blog at the original address is on the sidebar which serves as a good moment to confess that I have a little updating to do over there.  Until we meet again, Joe…

¹⁶So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. ¹⁷For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, ¹⁸ as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Cor 4

It seems a heartless providence
To strike down one so young, yet wise
Beyond his youth, while many seem
True wisdom to despise.  (#)

It is a splendid use of time to read the entire blog of the departed young one whom Tim writes about at Felix Hominum.

Further:  John Piper on the problem of suffering. (youtube)

Now quick, everyone take the day off!

That it was forwarded by John Piper was the only thing that convinced me to purchase the book, redeeming singleness:  How the storyline of Scripture affirms the single life.

It isn’t so much I needed his endorsement but I suspected it would be a deeper book than those which offer prayer suggestions for how to weather the dreadful purgatory of being unmarried. And it wasn’t.  Thank goodness.  Danylak gives a great explanation of the ancient covenants which shape the Christian faith and are largely unobserved in today’s churches. Some thoughts:

1.  The ancient Jewish culture cast shame over being childless because it was through children that your name was carried on through to future generations.  Carrying on your name was huge in old time Jewish culture.
2. Jesus fulfilled the covenants and in so doing, ensured names were carried on to future generations through acknowledgment by God.  written in the book of life, so to speak.
3. Kings in ancient days were served by eunuchs who dedicated themselves to a childless state as a sign of complete loyalty and servant-hood to the king.
4. Jesus Christ died childless. A most loyal servant to The King.

And yet, attend any protestant, evangelical wingding alone and the sympathy cards arrive in your mail box in 3 to 5 days. Is being unmarried purgatory?

As the Apostle Paul puts it, marriage is fine.  So is non-marriage. Dedicated to God, free of family distractions and ready for service at a moment’s notice.

And freely able to accept dinner invitations at the neighbour’s anytime, anywhere.

With that I’ll take a break. For how long, I’m not sure. There is hope that in a month or so I might have a rhythm hammered out that would make more room for blogging.

I’m not set up with an email subscription, so if you don’t happen to already make use of RSS feeds, you are welcome to email me and I’ll in turn manually email you when I start up again…if you wish.

alicia.d.camel [at] gmail.com

This blog has been blessed with interesting readers and I appreciate that you take the time out of your own busy days to read and comment. Thank you. Best wishes.

Until next time.

P.S. Check out ALL the uses of to, two and too in the 2nd sentence. I didn’t notice it until just now. Must be a sign. I’m going out to buy a lottery ticket. :)

Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today…

Tina writes, “I didn’t know until a few years ago when I was printing a calendar page for a letterpress bundle, but there are only 14 different calendar grids.” Click through, for she links to a site that’ll tell you which years match each other…then go out and find yourself a vintage calendar to use instead of a plain old 2009 one.

There is nothing new under the sun!

We’re lucky enough to have Tina comment here every now and then and I’m putting Pecan Corner up on the side bar.